BucketTime

Oh dear bloggers you have sadly been neglected. Over the last eight months I have done little but rest, read, and travel with my husband. Then in May I took a short-term contract with a church here in Toronto, and a whole lot of things just kind of 'snicked' into place, beginning with a very random comment from a colleague who talks about introversion.

Remember Star Trek: Deep Space Nine anyone? Remember Odo the shape-shifting Changeling (played by the wonderful Rene Auberjonois), who from time to time had to revert to his proper semi-liquid form and pour himself into a bucket and just rest and restore...there's an episode where the Cardassian tailor Garak (played by the also wonderful Andrew J. Robinson) somehow reverts to his previous Cardassian self, and is able to prevent Odo from going to his bucket. Odo becomes so sick that parts of himself begin to fall off.

My recent experiences in ministry, while both wonderful and both of which I would not have passed up, have been opposite poles. The one I left was a busy church, but one in which some people felt the minister should be available at all hours, and time off should be minimal, and the minister should not travel as much as I did. Of course not all the congregation felt that way, but there were enough. The work of ministry was only the work of the minister. Pastoral care was the minister's job, not the congregation's. Responsibility for the life of the congregation is someone else's job. The more I worked with certain members of that congregation, while I love them dearly, I realised that my theology was undergoing a dramatic change. My age was also a factor - I no longer have patience with people who want to remain in the past. To me, someone who is mature theologically .recognises that life is about change, and that the church has to be able to be flexible to change, because the spirit is doing something new, and we have to be ready to be swept up and let the Spirit change us. By contrast, my current congregation is one which believes the congregation is responsible for all its members - pastoral care, Christian education, outreach ministry, youth, children. The musician and the staff work as a team. Once a month I sit down with the musician and we work at music for worship together. If there is someone who needs the minister to visit, they either can call or the Pastoral Care coordinator will let me know. Family time is handled sometimes by me, usually by the Christian Education coordinator. One of the Worship Committee arranges readers and works with them ahead of time. I have the incredible luxury of being able to sit in the office and read, and plan ahead for creative worship.

I realised the six months off were 'bucket time', where I was able to shed the demands of 'shape-shifting', and stop trying to be all things to all people.

It struck me that the Deep Space Nine story is a really good analogy for ministry. In a sense we are like the changelings, trying to balance who we really are and what we think, with the demands of ministry in a congregation - something which has been described as herding cats. We in ministry do try to be all things to all people, to see their personal pastoral needs as well as corporate needs - and often we see their needs and are not allowed in. There's a lot of fear out there - mostly fear of change. There's a lot of lament for things which have gone and are no longer the same. "By the rivers of Babylon, where we sat down, we wept when we remembered Zion." We in ministry often find ourselves defending who we are against those who think we should be what they want; people who are angry at life, jealous in some ways, and who will attack because the minister is a handy target and easier than admitting to themselves the real issues.

A minister's role is not to keep everyone happy. It isn't to give people what they want, but what they need. The issue is that when we try to help people see - as the corporate body - what they need, the background nattering and resistance begins.

And we are prevented from getting to our bucket and finding some quiet and restoration. Instead we become soul-sick; pieces of ourselves come off, and after awhile we lose ourselves. This six months of bucket time has been a soul-saver. I had spent three years saving for a trip to Norway, coincidentally something on my 'bucket' list. I went to Japan at cherry blossom time with my husband; to Hawaii for some education and sunshine. I've had time to spend with my grandchildren and children, and in the process also been able to reflect on all that and more, and look to some future plans, knowing that nothing can be planned or controlled completely.

Bucket time. Clergy need bucket time, to go back to ourselves and be restored, in order to be healthy for our congregations.